The UseNet Cabal

In article <[email protected]>, [email protected] (Who, me?) wrote:

>Could someone explain how the members of the cabal stand to gain by
>controlling USENET, or by determining what sort of ideas can be
>expressed or not expressed? For instance if I want to pose as a
>clueless Anglo Canadian on soc.culture.quebec, is this of any concern
>to the cabal? To tell the truth I have not felt any attempts to be
>"controlled" by anyone (outside of being called a few rude names by
>Quebec separatists).

I'm glad you asked this question, sir, and I hope to be able to answer the question for you here:

The UseNet Cabal is a top secret organisation run by another top secret organisation set up by the Security Arm of the United Nations. The real name of this organisation is, for security reasons, kept locked within a cryogenically frozen and vacuum sealed tupperware container in the back of a tuckerbox freezer on an undisclosed cattle station in outback Australia lest the true name of the organisation be used to track down it's members. Not even the farmer is aware that this container is stored there as the aforementioned Security Arm were able to determine that said farmer never bothers to go any deeper than the most rearward tinny of Fosters.

Even the members of the Cabal, as they have affectionately come to be known, are unaware of where said tupperware container is to located. They're even unaware of which style of tupperware container is being used security is so tight. Nor are they even entirely sure that they're even members as their own security classification isn't high enough for them to know.

Now for the purpose of this organisation:

The UseNet Cabal was ostensibly established by the TSO of the UN Sec. Arm with the primary directive of taking full and utter control of the UseNet. Once that mission is accomplished they're then to move on to take control of the WWW, the E-mail system, FTP, IRC, and... *shock horror*... the ping mechanism. Once this was complete the UC would have effectively taken over the Internet and, by dint of power, be in position to take over the world!!! Mwa hahaha!!!!

Be afraid; be very afraid. The UC is after nothing less than full and total WORLD DOMINATION!!!

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As you know, I am deeply concerned about such matters. I sipped some water which my wife had thoughtfully laced with something she kept in a spice jar and had a vision which I immediately relayed to the group:

Bad news. A jackrabbit (the scourge of Australian farmers and sheep men) dug up the tupperware container and ate the slip of paper upon which the message was written. Efforts to retrieve the name by members of a special United Nations Observer Force from the fecal droppings of the same rabbit proved futile.

An investigation showed that not only was the slip destroyed, but the tupperware container itself was badly chewed. The Australian Government has issued a formal apology to the UN for its failure to control its jackrabbit population. The Security Council is debating whether to revoke Australia's General Assembly membership and restroom privileges.

The name is thus lost to us for all time.

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