General Motors Help Line
General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to
drive because people don't buy cars like they buy computers.
Imagine if they did...
Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
Help Line: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
Help Line: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these
technical terms just to use my car?"
Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anyplace."
Help Line: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
Help Line: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and
markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
Help Line: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase
some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to
install it for you."
Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to
keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"
Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Your cars suck!"
Help Line: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what's wrong!"
Help Line: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted to run faster so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way
to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't start
now."
Help Line: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do
you expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me one of the
latest version that doesn't crash any more."
Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it
has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes,
and power door locks."
Help Line: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
Customer: "How do I work it?"
Help Line: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "Do I know how to do what?"
Help Line: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!"
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