Laptop Model Number 36-24-36 S/N 69

Built in features: Plug and play capabilities, hard drive plug-in ports, Can handle floppies as well. Can be used right side up, upside down or on its side. It is waterproof and can be plugged in under water. Numerous ports for variety of hardware or software. Almost seems to have a mind of it's own. Port holes can be used as finger sockets and unit can be carried like a bowling ball if it becomes unusable. Can be turned on by digital control. Some units prefer write protected floppies as opposed to floppies that may unintentionally install a new program.

Optional equipment: Can handle any size hard drive installed. Like all computers, the more RAM's installed, the faster it works. Also can handle joy sticks and flexible applications. Needs oiling once in a while for smoother operation. Comes with a jar of Vaseline good for several applications. Comes with built in box in which hard drives and floppies can be stored.

Memory: Usually good, but sometimes selective. Can handle several installed hard drives as well as plug ins. Takes up to 10 gigabites easily.

Reliability: Seems to go down a lot. The longer it is connected the better it seems to run. Some interfaces are a bit fuzzy. When disconnected and set aside and neglected for a while it may be harder to start up again. Temperamental and can blow up for no known reason. It is fun to play games on. You will find yourself all wrapped up with this unit. If any of the plug-in ports are stuck closed, some alcohol may get them loose. Be careful not to use too much alcohol however, as laptop may either go into sleep mode or operate erotically.

Noise level: Whines quite often. Difficult to control audio output and volume. Sometimes makes gurgling noises when overloaded. Features overused nag screens to remind you of things you should do or forgot to do.

Warnings: Use of another owner's laptop could be a health hazard. Do not use laptop more than five hours at a time as you may find yourself tired, weak and experience a limp feeling. Use anti-virus protection softwear.

Miscellaneous: You will find this unit attractive and fun to use. Very addictive. Very user friendly and provides good hands on experience for new users of laptops.

Cost: Unit is expensive to own. May cost a fortune to recycle. Can pedal it on open market by word of mouth on how easy it is to use but you must be as convincing as a used car salesman. Leaving it on display at a tavern is often a good way to have it stolen away. Sometimes a laptop can be used before purchase on trial basis.

It is much less expensive to rent at $50.00 an hour.

Submitted on May 28, 1997 to alt.tasteless.jokes by [email protected]

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