Microsoap Introduces Windex 95

Redmond, Washington -- In New York City, the Empire State Building was made up to look like an enormous hand-soap dispenser. In Washington D.C. President Clinton gave up his nickname of ``Bubba'' in order to be called ``Bubble.'' The worldwide chain of ``Octopus'' carwashes was hired for an entire day just to give people free baths. All over the nation, hordes of eager bathers mobbed stores as the long-awaited release of one of the most highly anticipated cleaning products in history finally became reality. On August 29 at 12 midnight, the doors opened and convenience stores across the nation began to sell Microsoap ``Windex 95.''

``I've never seen anything like it,'' said Bowatu Kempler of ``Da Pope's Soaps (for the unwashed heathen in all of us)'' in Jacksonville, Fl. ``We had people camping outside the doors at 4 AM yesterday waiting for the doors to open. And you shoulda heard them...''

``It's Windex 95!!!'' shrieked a gleeful Elenora Minset as she snatched the last flat of glass cleaner from Mr. Kempler's shop. ``It's great! We'll bathe in it. We'll put the baby to sleep in it. Hell, we'll even feed the cat with it! It's Windex 95, and I LOVE IT!!!''

Said a spokesperson for Microsoap: ``Windex 95 is special and unique because it has the ability to clean glass. It can also clean glass. Did we mention that it cleans glass? It's so much better than Windex. Because it cleans glass. Windex 95, that is. You need to upgrade now. The old stuff is blue. The new stuff is green. Oh yeah, and the new green stuff cleans glass. Windex maybe sorta cleans glass too, but you can use a Rag with Windex, whereas Windex 95 requires a Rag-486DX with 8 MB RAM and a lint-coprocessor. Windex 95 may not clean some types of glass as well as Windex, so we suggest you upgrade your hardware by buying the now industry-standard (as defined by Microsoap) circular windows and cubical drinking-glasses. We have a billion to advertise with that says you have to, so get with it!''

Meanwhile, proponents of a competing product have been wearing snide buttons proclaiming ``Windex 95 = Soap And Water 3000BC'' This has failed to dampen the burgeoning enthusiasm for the most revolutionary cleaning product of all time. Sales also have not been hampered by the fact that each bottle of Windex 95 carries a mini-spycam in the cap which constantly transmits to the Microsoap Ministry of Information. Each bottle also comes paired with a ``free'' rock, causing concerns with pet rock stores all over the world. At a store called, ``Hey, it's a rock, you can even do that with it!'' Luther Lemner complained, ``Everyone needs to clean their filthy, slimey, disgusting Windows, so they buy that Microsoap stuff. They get a `free' rock... But it's actually a lump of sod with a spy-camera in it. But then they think they have a rock, so they don't buy my fine rose quartz anymore. I'm going to go out of business. Everyone cleans their windows; this isn't fair.''

But it's too late to stay the flood; Windex 95 is the soapware occurence of the century. I for one predict that Microsoap is really going to clean up with this one.

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