News From The Microsoft Useability Labs

The results of these personality tests showed that:

1. All participants reported that, no, they would not mind having their thumb repeatedly struck by a hammer.

2. The users remarked that they did keep their important papers on a gas-soaked shelf within their fireplace, so they found the Windows may-delete-it-at-any-time attitude comfortably familiar.

3. The group unanimously agreed that, yes, it made sense to hook their pets up to the Internet.

4. The users were under the impression that the slang, "Word!", referred to a hip Microsoft product.

5. To take out the trash, the participants would not mind booting up their computers, dialing out to a fee-based World Wide Web site, running a Java applet, working their way through several menus and forms, turning off the computer, and then taking the trash out themselves anyway.

6. The users checked the "would purchase within 1 year" box for the proposed product, Microsoft Dentist.

7. When asked the trademarked question, "Where do you want to go today?", all of the participants responded, "The bathroom."

8. As to whether drag-and-drop made Windows use easier, the males in the study replied, yes, forced bungie-jumping in womens' clothing did make computer operations seem a breeze in comparison.

9. As for the potential annoyance factor of lockups and reboots, the users noted it was acceptable, since they have all grown accustomed to repeatedly turning their cars on and off while driving along the freeway.

10. All of the participants were legally dead.

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