The latest PC lingo

Dilberted

To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

Link Rot

The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites they're connected to change location or die.

Chip Jewelry

A euphemism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE, and now it's nothing but chip jewelry."

Crapplet

A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"

Plug-and-Play

A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great. He's totally plug-and-play."

CGI Joe

A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.

Dorito Syndrome

Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."

Under Mouse Arrest

Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct. "Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest."

Glazing

Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?"

404

Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message "404, URL Not Found," meaning that the document you've tried to access can't be located. "Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man."

Dead Tree Edition

The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..."

Egosurfing

Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for the mention of your name.

Graybar Land

The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering."

Open-Collar Workers

People who work at home or telecommute.

Squirt The Bird

To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"

Cobweb Site

A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time. A dead web page.

It's a Feature

From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.

Keyboard Plaque

The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard plaque."

Career-Limiting Move (CLM)

Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Elvis Year

The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993."

Alpha Geek

The most knowledgable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

Tourists

People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were tourists."

Gray Matter

Older, experienced business people hired by young entrpreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established.

Bookmark

To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor borrowed from web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at Siggraph."

Nyetscape

Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.

Beepilepsy

The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.

Salmon Day

The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end.

Shovelware

A Web document that was shoveled from paper onto the Web, help system, or whatever without much effort to adapt it to the new medium. Betrayed by, among other things, papercentric phrases like "See page so-and-so," "later in this booklet," and so forth.

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