The Internet Connection

Me: "Hello, Some_ISP, this is SomeTech how can I help you?"
Young female voice: "I'd like to set up an account."
We determine that the call is local, I review the services we provide.
Young female voice: "This is my computer, it's brand new, I only just got it all put together."
I discover that my coffee cup is empty, the corners of my mouth go sad. I prepare to embark on the task of determining whether her machine meets the system requirements.
Young female voice: "Hmmm, okay. I have a Hewlett Packard 180 with 32RAM and a 33.6 modem. My computer came loaded with IE, but I don't have Netscape." [blink]
We set up an account. We get to the billing. Her Mother Comes to the Phone.
Mother: "She already has the Internet."
Me: "I see, your daughter has another provider."
Mother: [The words, "No, you dummy!", are implied here. You know the tone of voice] "I'm looking at her thing [4] right now and it says right here 'The Internet.'"
Me: "Well, you see, ma'am, she has a nice computer, and it came loaded with software, it's ready to access the internet, but she still needs a provider, that's us."
Mother: "I'm looking at her thing [5] right now and it says right here 'The Internet.'"
Me: "Ma'am, when you move into a house you can plug a phone into the wall, but you still need to call your local telco for phone service." [I'm immensely pleased with my comparison.]
Mother: "Listen! I told you that I can see right here that her thing already has 'The Internet'"
Sounds of a scuffle and the phone gets dropped.
Young female voice: "Here, let me give you that billing information....."
What followed was one of the fastest manual set-ups I've ever done. I can reel the instructions out pretty quickly [6], but this individual could do it all! Double-click! Right click! Properties! Pull down menus! And I was so grateful to her for rescuing me that I was pretty well ready to give her the account for free. I spent 15 minutes on the phone with the maternal parent, but it felt like 50 minutes [7] and then spent 15 minutes with the daughter during which time we made a dialer, configged IE, IMail, INews and checked in with all ctrl panels.

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[1] The woman who needed help with IP phone, she was planning on reaching into the ether to contact her deceased husband. Don't you need a static IP to contact the dead?
[2] There was the man who believed his computer had been crashed by a virus downloaded from a binary newsgroup. Sysadmin offered to scope the group and check the post. Man said (following a brief pause) to a female bob (he was cursing his bad luck) that he'd been reading alt.****.*****.disgusting and the post itself was grosserthanyoucouldpossiblybelieve.
[3] I'm still reeling, this girl could really right click up a storm!
[4] Is that legal?
[5] I used to live in Belgium. When I didn't understand someone (my Flemish was not so good), they generally were helpful enough to repeat the same thing at me ten times over in rapid succession, each time speaking louder and faster. This wasn't helpful.
[6] Doubleclickonmycomputerdoyouseedialupnetworkinggooddoubleclickondialupnet workingandnowdoyouseegood...
[7] TPT. Tech Person Time.

Submitted on 5/14/97 to alt.tech-support.recovery by (Name with-held by request)

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