Dorkie Web Site Design

So there is NOTHING that annoys me more than getting one of those snide little "Your browser doesn't have frames! What are you, some sort of luddite? Get a real web browser." messages.

Particularly bad offenders are pages made with Micro$oft Frontpage, a piece of code that is quite possibly the most effective bogon generator since the operating system it runs on. Not only does it insist on placing that ugly, space-hogging stripe down the side of the page, it also seems to assume that anyone viewing the pages it writes will have a frames capable browser.

This leads to many pages which, when loaded with something that doesn't support Java/JavaScript/Active-X[1]/Proprietary Extension of the Week[2][3] will not display correctly. This annoys me to no end.

Hey dork, maybe YOU think the web is just for showing off your flashy graphics and proving how small your dick is, but some of us like to get INFORMATION from it, thank you very much.

It gets worse. Some people[4] fail to even include the snide message in noframe tags, thus when you load their page with a browser that takes less than 64 meg to start, you get nothing other than a blank page. Others include a gratitous top frame with their inane corporate logo in it, even though their pages look fine without frames.

But the absolute LAST straw was when I hit upon a page that had "You can't view this page with a non-frame capable browser" as its snide message.

I do not have many buttons. But the ones I do have provoke a very strong response when pushed. One of my few buttons is the phrase "you can't". This is the wrong thing to say to me. There are very few things I can't do, and reading your lame, lusing, image-enhanced/content-disabled framed web page with my non-frame browser is not one of them. Don't tell me what I can and can't do with the protocols I understand better than you understand how to tie your shoes, pink boy!

Fsckin' lusers. Someone do me a favor and invent the WWW-capable remotely triggered LART.

-----

[1] s/Active/Insecure/
[2] s/Proprietary Extension/Flavor/[A]
[3] Four words: Client-side image maps[B]
[4] s/people/lusers/
--
[A] s/Extension/Bill Gates Marketing Ploy/
[B] BROKEN client-side image-maps.

***********

  ObASR: Okay everyone, sing along!


    Dead chickens... dead chickens... aren't much fun.
    They don't cluck, squack or scratch,
    I think I'll make a newsreader patch...

    Dead chickens... aren't much fun.

    My chicken died, up there not too far,
    Now I can post... to a.s.r.!

    Dead chickens... aren't much fun!

    ...One more time for Colonel Sanders!!

    DEAD CHICKENS! DEAD-DEAD-DEAD CHICKENS.
    Dead chickens, aren't much fun!


  Thank you, thank you, no autographs.

Submitted on 6/5/97 to alt.sysadmin.recovery by [email protected] (Ben Cantrick (alias Macky Stingray))

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