UseNet Morons

One fine day, a slack-jawed buffoon posted to news.groups that he wished to have a CFD on the idea of unmoderating comp.society.folklore and aliasing alt.folklore.computers.

"Fine," we said. "Let's discuss. Comp.society.folklore failed miserably because news admins didn't want a talk group in the comp hierarchy. Alt.folklore.computers is hardly a struggling group, ranking as it does in the top 8% of all groups in readership and propagation. Frankly, sir, your idea is not worthy of implementation. Let us go on to more important things, like feeding the ego of Mr. Dave Hayes."

Our nefarious adversary replied "But my news admin won't carry alt.folklore.- computers and I WANNA READ IT. So let's alias alt.folklore.computers to comp.society.folklore and then I will be warm and fuzzy and able to sleep well at night."

"Um," we said, "Have you tried getting an account at a site that offers free newsreading access? They're rather easy to come by."

Our opponent replieth not. Time passes.

Then one day, our incorrigible sparring partner, apparently devoid of the capability of rational thought, arranges to have posted a CFV on the very idea that we had so soundly announced our distaste for. Our fears that our objections had gone unheeded were dissipated by the first paragraph of this CFV, which went so far as to state (paraphrased here for your enjoyment): "well, the consensus in news.groups was that this was a dumb idea. But I don't care. So there."

Blinking surprisedly, we responded "But why on earth do you want to do this? Don't you realize that the people in alt.folklore.computers are very happy there and that "aliasing" their group to comp.society.folklore would really hash things up?

"Nay," replieth the nascent Australopithecine on the other side of the virtual fence, "it can only help the group. Alt. is a sewer and the angels will sing hosannahs on the day that the alt.folklore.computers newsfeed is lifted to its righteous place in the firmament of comp."

"But comp.society.folklore was a resounding failure when it was originally created because many news admins didn't want a talk group in the comp hierar- chy. And alt.folklore.computers is in the top 8% of all newsgroups in terms of readership and propagation. Don't you realize that hijacking alt.folk- lore.computers and aliasing it to comp.society.folklore would very likely cut its readership and propagation significantly?"

"Hardly," our rival responded in mocking tones, furrowing his sloping brow, "alt. is a sewer and you will see how this move will help everyone signifi- cantly. Besides, the moderator of comp.society.folklore is in favor of this."

Exasperated, we replied, "Who CARES if the moderator of comp.society.folklore is in favor of this? It's not his group you're proposing to hijack. Did you check to see if the moderator of rec.humor.funny is in favor of this? Perhaps you should check with him also. And perhaps the moderator of comp.sys.foo, and maybe even the moderator of talk.foo.bar. We're sure they all have MUCH to say on this issue."

"I want to read the traffic in alt.folklore.computers," the ranting dolt on the other side of the virtual fence raved on, "I demand it. And since my news admin won't carry any groups from the alt. hierarchy, the only way I can read it is if it's aliased to a group in one of the seven Approved hierarchies."

"Did it occur to you to point out to your news admin that he need not carry ALL alt. groups, just the ones that there's a demonstrated interest in at his site?"

"HE WOULDN'T LISTEN," our antagonist sobbed.

"Well, why don't you just get an account at Nyx? Or the Cleveland Freenet? Or gnu.ai.mit.edu? Or acca.nmsu.edu? Or any of a number of places that give out free newsreading accounts."

"Hi there," cried some of the people on our side, who had marched quietly over to their telnet server and telnetted to nyx.cs.du.edu, gotten accounts, and were posting to alt.folklore.computers and news.groups within five minutes of their initial login. "It's really quite easy."

"DON'T CONFUSE ME WITH THE FACTS, I CAN'T HEAR YOU," bellowed the Neanderthal with the group-hijacking fixation, "I insist on reading the alt.folklore.- computers feed at MY SITE. Why should I have to maintain two different sites just to read a group I want to follow?"

A few people on our side muttered, "Why should the entire net have to alias alt.folklore.computers to comp.society.folklore just so you can read it?" Louder voices asked "But _which_ feed do you want to follow?"

"What? " said USENET's answer to Rollo the Simple, "I don't understand."

"Well," we said, assuming a lecturing tone, "Do you want to read the traffic posted directly to comp.society.folklore after the hijacking goes into effect? Or the traffic posted to alt.folklore.urban that gets aliased to comp.- society.folklore at some sites and filed in junk at others? Or the comp.- society.folklore feed that gets filed in junk at sites that continue to carry alt.folklore.computers? Or alt.folklore.computers traffic that gets carried by other sites as alt.folklore.computers and never makes it to comp.society.- folklore?"

Our drooling antagonist could only stare about in rapt confusion.

"Don't you know what happens when people do knee-jerk things like you're trying to do? Take the example of alt.dragons-inn. They newgrouped it while ignoring the people who suggested that alt.pub.dragons-inn might be a better name. Then alt.pub.dragons-inn got newgrouped. A few months passed, and then people showed up in alt.config begging news admins to stop aliasing alt.- dragons-inn to alt.pub.dragons-inn and vice-versa because the two groups were 'entirely different' and people in one group couldn't be sure that their traffic would get read by the people they thought they were replying to? Some groups carried both feeds, some carried one and aliased the other to it, some groups only carried one, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseam. Total hash."

Pausing for breath, we continued, "So, if you get your way and have alt.folklore.computers aliased to comp.society.folklore, you'll never be sure that you're getting even half of the total computer folklore traffic. In fact, you may get only a small percentage of it. Don't you think it'd be easier for everyone all 'round if you simply had another chat with your news admin or got a Nyx account?"

"But alt. is a sewer," he cried.

"If alt. is a sewer, it's apparently a sewer that's not affecting alt.folk- lore.computers much. Or haven't you been listening when we told you that alt.folklore.computers is one of the most popular groups anywhere? It's in the top 8% of ALL GROUPS in terms of readership and propagation. Given this and given that a lot of news admins don't want a talk group in the comp. hierarchy, how can you really believe that stealing alt.folklore.computers and aliasing it to comp.society.folklore would help anything?"

Falling into monomania, Zippy the Pinhead began to repeat in a dull, pathetic tone, "but it would help a.f.c so much, but it would help a.f.c. so much, but it would help a.f.c. so much."

A pair of nurses in white uniforms came up and led him away, still raving quietly to himself. "But don't you SEE? alt. is a SEWER. WE MUST TRIUMPH!"

One nurse looked to us and said, "poor man. He lives in a world of his own fantasies and when he's like this you just can't get through to him."

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To vote NO on unmoderating comp.society.folklore and thereafter aliasing alt.folklore.computers to it, send mail to [email protected].

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