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Classifications of News Readers

How to Identify News Readers

BEGINNER:

  • Thinks rn is a typo.
  • Posts empty articles.
  • Wonders what `@' means.
  • Accidently sends (empty) mail messages to other readers.

    NOVICE:

  • Knows how to read news, but seldom does, since s/he hasn't learned how to (un)subscribe to a subject.
  • Posts the programmer-lightbulb joke to soc.women.
  • Tries to post his/her KILL files.
  • Posts articles asking what `:-)' means, and misspells it.
  • Wonders why people go to the trouble of typing in other people's articles with all those silly ">"s.

    USER:

  • Knows how to post followups, but uses ed to do so.
  • Posts articles asking what `SO', `BTW', and `MOTOS' mean.
  • Has heard of KILL files, but doesn't know what they are.
  • Has worn out the `n' key.
  • Still reads rec.humor

    KNOWLEDGEABLE USER:

  • Knows about .signature files, but sometimes includes them twice.
  • Posts flames to net.announce.newusers.
  • Uses KILL files, but only on "Subject:" lines.
  • Has learned to edit the "followups to:" line.
  • Can save a rot13'd joke, and read it later.

    EXPERT:

  • Knows how to post anonymously, from nonexistent sites.
  • Posts flames about users of "notes."
  • Has 0.1 megabytes of KILL files, and 5 megabytes of mail.
  • Is known by name at virtually all news sites.
  • Knows how to post rot13'd jokes, and can read them without saving and exiting.

    HACKER:

  • Knows how to create new newsgroups.
  • Has modified local version of vnews to allow longer postings.
  • Uses rmgroup instead of KILL files.
  • Knows how to send mail through the ARPANET.
  • Can read rot13'd text without unrotating it.

    GURU:

  • Has private database of alternate paths to all sites.
  • Has caused at least one newsgroup to be eliminated due to low signal/noise.
  • Name appears in over 1000 KILL files (at other sites).
  • Uses undocumented features of rn.
  • Moderates at least one newsgroup.

    WIZARD:

  • Thinks rn is a typo.

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